Blog

  • Lifelong Learner.

    Wogan went to 3 undergrad colleges, MSW at Cal Berkeley, Special Ed at SFSU, Urban Ed Leadership at CSUEB, Clinical Psych at CSPP, practicum at UNC, research w 東京大学

  • Parent Engagement Through the Lens of Equity (article)

    Parent Engagement Through the Lens of Equity (article)

    latino parents group photo

    Creating inviting and welcoming school environments is essential for all school communities. Schools throughout the world recognize the importance of meaningful engagement with parents and guardians from diverse backgrounds.  Most schools have grown beyond conventional school parent engagement strategies focused on “getting parents through the school door.” “Family” must be broadly defined by schools as they develop plans for meaningful parent engagement; the “traditional family” is not the norm (Pew Research, 2014). At the same time, parents and guardians from diverse backgrounds have expressed concern that they do not feel welcome or comfortable in many school settings.  Amid changing demographics and advances in technology, schools have opportunities to connect with parents and guardians in ways that did not exist ten years ago.  This article is an invitation to share strategies, reflections, and innovative programs to increase parent engagement, with emphasis on engaging parents from diverse backgrounds.

    Why family involvement in schools?  Teachers and staff understand the importance of working with parents in positive ways, and to involving the community to increase student success. Parents want know that their children are being challenged academically in caring, safe and supportive environments. Students want to do well in school.  They need guidance, support and care from their teachers, parents and family members, and the community.   Over 25 years of work and research in public education and public health tells us that student wellness and academic success is inextricably related to parent engagement in schools (Wogan, Browne 2017). The more actively involved parents and guardians are, the more successful students are, academically and socially (Comer, 2009). When parents and guardians are actively involved with their child’s education, there is a positive impact on achievement, attendance, and connectedness with the school community (Canada, 2015). Coordinated School Health, school beautification, and cooking together with guardians from diverse cultures increases a sense of belonging to a welcoming school community.   School districts have made dedicated efforts to engage fathers and male guardians in school events.   Adolescence is starting earlier and lasting longer (Steinberg, 2015). Many parents report feeling unprepared to support teenagers facing a world that is changing rapidly.  Denise Pope’s Challenge Success skillfully describes the demands and pressures that students in today’s world face. Rising rates of teen suicide and other behavioral health concerns make it essential for schools to engage parents, grandparents, guardians and caregivers to work together to improve child and teenage wellness.

    latino children

    What are obstacles and barriers to parent engagement with families of color? Research reflects that partnerships between parents and schools tend to decrease as children get older and that affluent communities have more frequent “through-the-school doors” family engagement than economically disadvantaged communities. More recent data reflects that parents and families are actually actively involved and invested in education as well as with events and activities take place in the community, i.e. at churches, mosques, and temples.  Schools in high-poverty communities more frequently contact parent about problems and difficulties than positive accomplishments. Single parents, parents who work more than one job, parents living far from school, and fathers are generally less involved in school committees and events. This is sometimes erroneously interpreted as not “caring about,” prioritizing or valuing education. The backgrounds and ethnicities of staff members may not reflect that of the community. Additionally, trust and feelings of mutual respect may be lacking. Parents sometimes report that it feels like “two steps forward and one step back.”   Parents in predominantly wealthy neighborhoods have objected to matriculation (feeder pattern) policies that place students in lower-income schools with higher numbers of students of color. Schools are working to build a sense of community across diverse cultures.

    Educators recognize the importance of parents being involved at school, but struggle to develop sustainable plans for meaningful and consistent engagement, particularly among families of color, LGBTQ+ families, and recent immigrants. 

    Almost all teachers and administrators want to involve families in schools, but many have not been trained or prepared to build positive and productive partnerships with families from diverse cultures, backgrounds and ethnicities.  School districts and organizations such as California Association for Bilingual Education (CABE) are paying increasing attention to the academic needs of English Language Learners (ELL).   Many recent immigrants have experienced hardships and trauma on their journey to the United States, however, few school districts uniformly inquire about trauma or life stressors that children, parents and relatives have experienced. At the same time, schools do not regularly inquire about food stability or stable housing.   The impact of trauma on learning is increasingly recognized and researched.   The impact of poverty and neglect, however, is less frequently discussed or in the media (See LinkedIn posts by James Wogan, Ron Powell, UCSF). School social workers and other professionals have implemented model programs to support the physical, social, emotional, behavioral and academic needs of recent immigrants, and specialized programs that meet the unique educational needs of foster youth, homeless children and families.   Ruby Payne, Marcus Foster, Jeffrey Canada, James Comer, Jonathan Kozol, Joy Dryfoos, Glen Singleton, Paulo Freire, Stephanie Graham, Sálvador Minunchín, Marianne Pennekamp, and many others have raised consciousness, shined a light on “implicit bias,” institutional practices, and developed positive solutions for working together with parents and guardians from diverse backgrounds. Read the following statement and describe your team’s thoughts and reactions. “All families care about their children and want them to succeed, even if they can’t attend many (if any) events at school. “ What percent of your immediate colleagues agree with this statement?   What strategies and innovative programs for partnerships with parents have you tried or attempted?

    Six (6) types of family involvement in schools:

    6 types of parent engagement Epstein Color photo

    While at Johns Hopkins University, Joyce Epstein identified six (6) types of family involvement: 1) Parenting: Helping families establish home environments to support children as learners. 2) Communications: The use of effective forms for school-to-home- and home-to-school communications. 3) Volunteering: The recruitment and organization of the school’s volunteer program. 4) Learning at Home: Helping families assist their children with homework and recognizing other learning at home opportunities 5) Decision making: Including parents, students, and community members in the school decision making process. 6) Collaborating with the Community: The identification and integration of resources and services from the community.      

    What does it mean to be a “parent-friendly” school?   A parent gave the following examples of a school being “parent friendly.” She said, “It makes me feel good when school staff are friendly and professional when we (parents) are there.” It’s good to be friendly, but not informal, especially with greetings. An African-American grandmother suggested that we address parents by their last name such as Ms. Mrs. Mr. Dr., and in respectful tone. It’s helpful to see diverse cultures represented and welcomed. Please be polite on the phone, and speak slowly if needed. Proactive communication in multiple languages always helps. Parents appreciate a quick reply to emails, but “don’t assume that I check my email and text every 5 minutes.” Parent feedback and suggestions should be requested, verbally.

    Parents Feel Welcome When… they are greeted in a friendly manner. When they are treated with respect. When people introduce them to other school personnel who are nearby. When they feel the school genuinely has their child’s best interests at heart. When school show appreciation for diversity.   When school personnel reach out to them through telephone calls, text, email, and notes. When the school provides opportunities for them to connect with other parents.

    Indicators of Respect for Parents: Being greeted and spoken to politely “even when you’re there for the 10th time.” Being recognized and acknowledged by school personnel. Being thanked for visiting the school and for taking an interest their child’s education. Schools having an open-door policy. The principal and staff members taking the time to speak with parents.  School personnel trying to be helpful, even if the parent’s question or concern is outside the scope of their position.

    Unwelcoming School Experiences for Parents: Being ignored by school personnel when they arrive at the school. Arriving at scheduled school appointments and being made to wait for an hour. Being told “you should have called first” when they drop by the school unannounced. Being asked to “sign in” before greeting, saying “hello.” Being asked name, and child’s name, after volunteering at school for more than two years. Being told that they cannot observe their child’s class without a scheduled appointment Informal “my new BFF” IKR    LOL  Interactions

    Good News! When schools develop and implement school-wide and classroom parent engagement practices such as Positive Behavior Intervention and Support (PBIS), barriers to family involvement can be eliminated, and partnerships with parents can be strengthened. Parent and family engagement can be strengthened at all schools, however, no one role group can do it alone. Parents and guardians complain that school personnel use too much jargon, SST, MTSS, PBIS, etc, but they can feel it when teachers and administrators make parent engagement a priority and involve people across role groups with build positive relationships with students’ families and extended families.

    Reflections through the lens of equity: School personnel sometimes assume that parents from culturally diverse backgrounds need “parenting skills” to overcome their child’s “lack of engagement” in class.  Deficit-oriented approaches been shown to generate resistance among African-American and Latino parents (Olivos, 2004; Sobel & Kuglar, 2007). Parent Empowerment: Open dialogue, listening to concerns, and facilitating conversation among parents has been shown to be an effective strategy when incorporated into larger family engagement plans.  Parent Feedback:  According to some parents, including parents of color and LGBTQ parents, school personnel tend to overuse Power Point PPT presentations, screens, poster paper and sticker during meetings. Parents of color acknowledge that it’s essential to communicate information, but report that these tools can be counter-productive, serving to put distance between the presenters and the participants. Parents would like opportunities to build community and talk with each other and to digest information collectively as well as individually.

    Latino families are involved and invested in their children’s education, but often say that they must feel trust before deciding which events to attend at school, especially since the election of Donald Trump (2016). Latino families may be less visibly involved in their children’s school. Lack of visibility has been judged and interpreted as indifference, lack of concern, or “different values.” Conversations, stakeholder meetings, and research shows this not to be true. Too often, school personnel interact with a limited number of Latino parents (the same parents have been on committees for years).  Fortunately, schools are beginning to focus on building relationships with families from diverse backgrounds, rather than a one-size-fits-all approaches. Rather than blindly setting goals to “get them through the door,” schools need a clear plan for meaningful participation once parents and guardians get there. Parents appreciate knowing how they can be actively involved from home.

    23CATHOLICS5-superJumbo photo latino parentsSample Best Practices for Parent Engagement through the Lens of Equity: Welcoming letters in multiple languages. Handouts for parents regarding parent involvement, supporting education at home, and tips for navigating school and school district system. Calendars and lunch menus with invitations for parent engagement. Training for teachers and staff regarding culturally proficient meetings with parents and guardians, i.e. parent/teacher conferences. Proactive positive communications with parents and guardians, including parents of students who enroll mid year. Conferences with every parent or guardian at least once a year, with follow-ups as needed. Language translators assist families as needed. Weekly or monthly folders of student work are sent home and reviewed, parent and guardian comments returned to teacher. Student ambassadors encourage and assist families to learn about the myriad of ways that families can connect with school. School lunch menus with tips for parents re Healthy Eating, Mindfulness, Exercise, and Sleep. Parent and student pick-up of report card, with conferences on improving grades. School calendar with schedule or parent involvement activities, notices, memos, phone calls, newsletters, and other communications. Clear information on choosing courses, access to programs, and activities at schools and printed materials on all school policies, programs reforms, and transitions. If this reads like a list, it’s because it’s from a presentation earlier this year (Wogan, Browne 2017).

    Parent Engagement: Innovative Practice:   In 2017, in an effort to develop deeper and more meaningful connections with parents, my school district began co-location of district personnel (resource worker, social worker, parent liaison) at a community agency. We established parent-to-parent support meetings and facilitated parent and guardian connections with each other at a local nonprofit community agency.   When it comes to “co-location and collaboration,” school districts interpret this to mean “they come to us” and work out of our Wellness Centers, with services coordinated by the School Coordinated Care Team, or some other service-delivery and tracking system.   We know that parent support and education as a key factor to prevent youth from becoming involved in juvenile crime. The 180° Program – offers youth and family support, gang prevention, weapon suppression, and crime reduction support services. Funding is awarded from “asset and property seizure and forfeiture.” As an innovative approach to engage parents and guardians, we co-located a School Social Worker and three part-time bilingual resource workers (classified positions) at the community. The three resource workers are mothers, with children who attended local schools, trained to support families to access resources and navigate public agencies, such as public education and health care.   Additionally, teachers are trained in “Mental Health First Aid” and Trauma-Informed Practices,” increasing capacity and comfort to discuss behavioral health concerns with parents, and recommend that families consider seeking professional services.  We started by listening. Informational meetings were valuable, but we needed to create space to request feedback, input, and suggestions.   This inchoate program has been well received, especially among parents of color.   Go to them, establish trust, meet parents “where they are.” Through parent education and empowerment, the goal of the 180 program is to interrupt the school-to-prison pipeline, prevent commercially sexual sexual of children (CSEC) and involvement of minors in crime and gangs.

    Smartphone with cloud of application iconsTechnology and Apps to Connect with Parents and Guardians:   We surveyed teachers, parents, foster parents, and students to inquire what apps and technology are currently being used to strength home-to-school communication. The following is the list that we compiled.   Class Dojo – Pinterest – Remind – Instagram – Twitter – Google Classroom – Ringya (group projects) – Kids A-Z – Collaborize Classroom – Live School – Parent Class Messenger – Power School Mobile – Edmodo – School Rack – Seesaw School Circle – Teacher Kit – Word Press (blogging). This list is by no means exhaustive, and we have no fiscal relationship with any of these apps or providers.   Some school districts are still developing committees to provide guidelines for schools regarding technology and communications. Meanwhile, teachers and staff are out in front, using technology and spreading the word about what works.   Schools are mindful that the digital-divide has not not been closed and that many homes do not have access to the internet. Foster parents, homeless parents, and the caregivers of students who enroll during the course of the school year said that they are often left behind when it comes to home-to-school communications. As a solution, parents and caregivers have asked that they be added to apps, digital communications, and mailing lists for newsletters and print communications.

    Guidelines for Communicating with parents through apps, email, texts, blogs, twitter, social media: James Jedai Wogan developed the following guidelines for communicating with parents and guardians: Just the facts: Tone and emotion can be difficult gauge via text. Use clear and concise language. Avoid jokes and sarcasm. Avoid emojies b/c may not come through as intended. they don’t through on all phones. Positive communication should outweigh concerns or corrections: 80% positive vs. 20% corrections or directions. View communications through the “lens of equity,” cultural competence, and LGBTQ-sensitive interactions.  Many students have two mothers, two fathers, and some have three of each.   To be sensitive to transgender students, it is increasingly ok to use the pronoun “them” and “they” vs. “his / her” binary language.   Protect privacy. Don’t use the names of other students in communications. Only post photos with signed permission on file. What other guidelines do you suggest? Please send suggestions to: jameswogan@yahoo.com.

    Model Parent Engagement Programs: California PTA: The School Smarts Parent Engagement Program is a model for creating meaningful and diverse parent involvement. It brings parents from all backgrounds together in support of their common interest: helping their children and schools to succeed. School Smarts is proven to: Foster parent engagement in schools. Support parents as children’s first teachers. Develop future parent leaders. Encourage parents to advocate for a complete and quality education that includes the arts. http://www.capta.org. Local school board member Linda Mayo is an awarded champion for parent engagement, parent leadership, and PTA’s. The Parent Institute for Quality Education (PIQE) aims to increase parents’ knowledge and skills to support the academic achievement of their children. PIQE developed a model for increasing parent involvement in K–12 schools where parent participation has been difficult to achieve. PIQE uses informal education techniques that have been promoted by Paulo Freire and others dedicated to promoting social change, such as using dialogue to build community and social capital, situating educational activity in the lived experience of participants, and raising participants’ consciousness about their situations and their own power to take informed action. http://www.pique.org

    180 program school linked services

    Recipe for success: Set the table: Begin with a shared vision for parent engagement. Establish a Framework for Family Engagement.  Insist on transparent decision making. Bring diverse interests together. Bring people together to review data, identify student / community needs / gaps in services. Involve student and parent voice.  Define goals positively, rather than the absence of problems. Reflect openly about implicit bias and assumptions. View resources as instruments of action, not personal possessions. Involve teachers, and other key stakeholders. Define performance measures and outcome measures. Consider realigning positions and programs to increase parent involvement. Superintendents and school principals: one cup of accountability, two cups of support.  Stir vigorously.

    Acknowledgment:  I co-presented a webinar with Mildred Browne, Ed.D. with CalStat. I would like to thank Dr. Browne for her guidance and support.James Wogan Mildred Browne Photo

    Dr. Browne and I welcome comments and suggestions, resources, and links.

    James Wogan

    James Wogan, LCSW

    5845 College Ave # 8. Oakland, CA 94618   jameswogan@yahoo.com

    Imessage: 925.250.5500

  • Ibogaine-assisted psychotherapy

    Countries where ibogaine treatment centers exist and may offer professional training:

    • Mexico (has several established clinics)
    • Costa Rica
    • New Zealand (regulated as a prescription medication)
    • Brazil
    • Portugal (where drug possession is decriminalized)
    • Gabon (traditional use)

    Regarding legal practice of therapist-assisted ibogaine micro-dosing:

    1. New Zealand: Ibogaine is a prescription medication, allowing for medical use under supervision.
    2. Brazil: Ibogaine is unscheduled, and treatment centers operate in a legal gray area.
    3. Mexico: Several ibogaine clinics operate legally, though regulations vary by region.
    4. Portugal: While personal possession is decriminalized, professional administration exists in a complex regulatory environment.
    5. Costa Rica: Several treatment centers operate in what is currently a regulatory gap.

    Nolan Williams, MD from

    Stanford University,researcher w amazing results w vets.

    https://open.spotify.com/episode/1lvS0tvwhETNAhgyHWk4p0?si=LY1EKMBGQgyvPGFbsHQArA&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A5qSUyCrk9KR69lEiXbjwXM

    Before pursuing this path, I recommend consulting with a healthcare attorney familiar with international health and mental health policies involving use of pharmaceuticals and plant medicines.

    Since regulations around psychedelics are evolving rapidly, verify current legal status in any location you’re considering for practice.

    I appreciate your specific questions about ibogaine and psychedelic-assisted therapy. Let me address what I can based on my knowledge cutoff from October 2024.

    Q1: Purchasing Ibogaine

    In the United States, ibogaine is a Schedule I controlled substance, making it illegal to purchase, possess, or distribute. The closest options where ibogaine treatment is available (but not for take-home use) would be:

    1. Mexico
    • Primarily in Baja California and Cancun regions

    2. Costa Rica

    These locations typically offer on-site treatment only, not take-home quantities, as medical supervision is critical due to ibogaine’s cardiac risks.

    Q2: New Zealand Training for Therapists

    There are no formal, accredited training programs specifically for ibogaine microdosing therapy in New Zealand that I’m aware of as of my last update. While ibogaine is a prescription medication in New Zealand, its use is primarily for addiction treatment at specialized clinics, not in standard therapeutic settings.

    For broader psychedelic therapy training (not specific to ibogaine), you might explore:

    • Mind Medicine Australia offers professional development programs
    • MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) provides training that sometimes includes international components

    Q3: Microdosing in Psychotherapy

    Besides ketamine, common substances being researched or used in some contexts include:

    1. Psilocybin (mushrooms) – Most widely researched after ketamine
    2. LSD – Primarily in research settings
    3. MDMA – Used in PTSD therapy research (though typically not microdosed)

    Current legal therapeutic use in the US:

    • Ketamine is the only legally available option in clinical settings
    • Oregon has legalized psilocybin for supervised therapeutic use
    • Colorado is developing regulated access

    International locations with more established use:

    • Netherlands (psilocybin truffles)
    • Jamaica (psilocybin)
    • Mexico (various substances)
    • Canada (exemptions for certain patients)

    Emerging regions with potentially lower costs:

    • Costa Rica
    • Portugal (decriminalized use)
    • Czech Republic
    • Colombia

    Average costs:
    Ibogaine treatment typically costs $5,000-12,000 USD for a full treatment program at clinics.
    This is generally more expensive than ketamine therapy ($400-800/session in the US) but comparable to comprehensive psilocybin retreats ($3,000-7,000).

    The field is evolving rapidly, so some information may have changed since my knowledge cutoff.

    Claude AI

    Mental Health Conditions Potentially Benefiting from Hallucinogen-Assisted Therapy

    Conditions Where Ibogaine and Similar Hallucinogens May Be Beneficial

    1. Substance Use Disorders
    • Particularly effective for opioid dependence
    • Shows promise for alcohol use disorder
    • May help with stimulant addiction (cocaine, methamphetamine)
    • Can address underlying trauma that contributes to addiction
    1. Treatment-Resistant Depression
    • When conventional antidepressants and therapy have failed
    • Particularly for depression with existential components
    • May help reconnect patients with meaning and purpose
    1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    • Especially complex or treatment-resistant PTSD
    • Can help process traumatic memories through altered states
    • May facilitate emotional processing of deep-seated trauma
    1. Anxiety Disorders
    • Existential anxiety and end-of-life distress
    • Some forms of generalized anxiety disorder
    • Social anxiety disorder in certain contexts
    1. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
    • May help break rigid thought patterns
    • Can provide perspective on compulsive behaviors
    1. Psychological Effects of Terminal Illness
    • Anxiety and depression related to end-of-life issues
    • Existential distress in terminal conditions

    Conditions Where Ketamine May Be Contraindicated (But Other Hallucinogens Might Help)

    1. Patients with hypertension or cardiovascular issues
    • Ketamine can increase blood pressure and heart rate
    • Some other hallucinogens may have milder cardiovascular effects
    1. Psychosis-spectrum disorders
    • While ketamine can exacerbate psychotic symptoms, certain hallucinogens in microdoses may be studied for different approaches
    • Research remains limited and controversial in this area
    1. Patients with severe liver disease
    • Ketamine metabolism primarily occurs in the liver
    • Some patients may tolerate other compounds better
    1. History of ketamine abuse
    • Patients with specific ketamine misuse history
    • Other hallucinogens with different mechanisms may present less abuse potential
    1. Personality disorders with dissociative features
    • Since ketamine has dissociative properties
    • Non-dissociative hallucinogens might be more appropriate

    It’s important to note that all psychedelic-assisted therapies require careful screening, medical supervision, integration therapy, and should be considered within a comprehensive treatment approach tailored to the individual’s specific conditions and history.

    🤖- thx Claude.

    Psychedelic Treatments in Traditional Medicine and Approved Practices by Region

    Ghana and West Africa

    In Ghana specifically:

    • Iboga/Ibogaine: While more common in Gabon and Cameroon, some traditional healers in Ghana use iboga-related plants
    • Local plant medicines: Traditional healers (often called “fetish priests” or “traditional psychiatrists”) sometimes use plants with psychoactive properties
    • No formal approval: Ghana’s traditional medicine is regulated under the Traditional Medicine Practice Council, but psychedelics aren’t formally approved in medical contexts

    Neighboring West African countries:

    • Nigeria: Some traditional use of psychoactive plants in specific cultural contexts
    • Gabon: Bwiti tradition uses iboga extensively (most established iboga use in Africa)

    Europe

    Countries with more progressive approaches:

    1. Portugal:
    • Decriminalized all drugs for personal use
    • Underground psychedelic therapy exists but isn’t formally approved
    • Clinical trials for various psychedelic therapies underway
    1. Netherlands:
    • Legal psilocybin truffles (not mushrooms)
    • Psychedelic retreats operate openly
    • No formal medical approval but decriminalized framework
    1. Switzerland:
    • Compassionate use exemptions for LSD and MDMA therapy
    • Strong research tradition dating back to Albert Hofmann
    • Limited clinical access through specialized programs
    1. Czech Republic:
    • Decriminalized small amounts of several substances
    • Growing psychedelic research community
    • No formal medical approval
    1. United Kingdom:
    • Leading psychedelic research at Imperial College London
    • No approved clinical use yet
    • Clinical trials advancing for depression and PTSD

    New Zealand

    • Ibogaine: Prescription medication status since 2010
    • Ketamine: Available for treatment-resistant depression through specialists
    • Psilocybin & MDMA: Clinical trials underway
    • Traditional Māori medicine: Some indigenous practices with psychoactive plants, though less prominent than in some other indigenous traditions

    Asia

    Asia generally has stricter drug policies with limited exceptions:

    1. Thailand:
    • Recently decriminalized cannabis
    • Traditional use of kratom in some regions
    • No approved psychedelic therapies
    1. India:
    • Traditional use of cannabis in some religious contexts (bhang)
    • Ayurvedic traditions sometimes include psychoactive plants
    • No formal medical approval for psychedelic therapy
    1. Nepal/Tibet:
    • Some traditional shamanic practices involve psychoactive plants
    • No formal medical approval
    1. Japan, China, Singapore, and most other Asian countries:
    • Very restrictive drug policies
    • No approved psychedelic therapies
    • Severe penalties for possession or use
    1. Indonesia:
    • Traditional use of psychoactive plants in some indigenous practices
    • Strict legal prohibitions nationally

    The landscape is evolving rapidly, with clinical trials and research initiatives expanding globally. Several countries are currently reviewing evidence for potential medical applications of various psychedelics, with regulatory changes possible in coming years.

    🤖 Claude – u 🪨

  • Social paradox:

    When behaviors produces the opposite of the intended result.

    Social Behaviors That Backfire:

    Below are examples of well-intentioned behaviors that often backfire socially, along with therapeutic approaches to address them.

    Excessive Reassurance-Seeking

    Intention: To feel secure and validated in relationships
    How it backfires: Creates relationship fatigue, pushes others away, and paradoxically increases anxiety
    Therapeutic approach: A therapist might help the client identify underlying insecurities and gradually reduce reassurance-seeking behaviors. “Cognitive restructuring” from CBT could address black and white thinking and over generalization; two thinking patterns that contribute to these behaviors.

    Overhelping/Caretaking

    Intention: To be useful, needed, and to demonstrate care
    How it backfires: Creates dependency, resentment, boundary issues, and burnout
    Therapeutic approach: Therapists might explore the client’s core beliefs about self-worth, help them develop identity beyond caregiving, and practice setting healthy boundaries. They might explore family-of-origin patterns that established caregiving as a primary mode of connection.

    Conflict Avoidance

    Intention: To maintain harmony and prevent rejection
    How it backfires: Leads to unresolved issues, resentment, disconnection, and eventually larger conflicts
    Therapeutic approach: A therapist would help to increase awareness of flight response; and raise the threshold for when the urge to avoid conflict kicks in.

    If a client has the ego strength and openness to practicing new ways of being, some therapists use role-playing to practice healthy confrontation, focusing on internal sensations, spirit, and emotions vs. only discussing “what to do.”

    Perfectionism

    Intention: To earn approval and avoid criticism
    How it backfires: Creates distance through impossible standards, reduces authenticity, and leads to burnout
    Therapeutic approach: Therapy might focus on self-compassion practices, examining the origins of perfectionistic standards, and gradual exposure to “good enough” performance while tolerating discomfort.

    Too much Self-Disclosure too soon:

    Intention: To create closeness and intimacy
    How it backfires: Overwhelms others, creates inappropriate relationship pacing, and can trigger avoidance
    Therapeutic approach: Therapists might help the client understand appropriate intimacy pacing, recognize social cues, and develop a wider repertoire of connection strategies beyond emotional disclosure.

    People-Pleasing

    Intention: To be liked and accepted
    How it backfires: Leads to inauthenticity, unsustainable commitments, and resentment
    Therapeutic approach: Therapy would explore fear of rejection, develop identity beyond others’ approval, and use incremental exercises to practice saying “no” and expressing authentic preferences.

    Overexplaining or Justifying

    Intention: To be understood and prevent misinterpretation
    How it backfires: Comes across as defensive, creates doubt in others, and often reinforces negative impressions
    Therapeutic approach: A therapist might help identify approval-seeking triggers, practice concise communication, and develop tolerance for being occasionally misunderstood.

    Lying or Stretching the Truth:

    Intention: To impress others, gain acceptance, or protect self-esteem

    How it backfires: Damages trust, creates distance when discovered, and reinforces feelings of inadequacy

    Therapeutic Framework:

    Therapeutic approach: A therapist might:

    – Explore the underlying feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection driving the behavior

    – Help identify situations that trigger embellishment or lying

    – Examine early experiences where the client may have learned that their authentic self wasn’t “enough”

    – Work on developing self-acceptance and recognizing inherent worth

    – Practice vulnerability in safe settings, starting with small truths

    – Role-play managing the discomfort of being perceived as “ordinary” 

    – Gradually build confidence in authentic self-presentation

    – Create a hierarchy of truth-telling challenges, from low to high risk

    – Acknowledge and process shame that may arise from both the behavior and addressing it

    The therapeutic relationship would offer a space where complete honesty is encouraged without judgment, helping establish a new pattern of authentic connection that can extend to other relationships.

    In addressing these other patterns described above; therapists typically employ several key approaches:

    1. Validate the positive intention behind the behavior, helping clients understand their actions as adaptive attempts to meet legitimate needs
    2. Connect the dots between childhood experiences and current patterns, identifying how these behaviors may have been necessary or rewarded in past environments
    3. Develop awareness of the actual impact versus intended impact through feedback and reflection. Caution, many teenagers report “intent vs impact” is overused by parents and educators. One teenager said, “…if this were a tire, it would be bald.”
    4. Create safety for behavior change by addressing the underlying fears that drive the cyclical patterns of maladaptive behavior.
    5. Practice incremental exposure to new behaviors in a graduated fashion, starting with lower-stakes situations
    6. Develop alternative strategies that can meet the same underlying needs in more effective ways
    7. Process emotions that arise when letting go of familiar coping mechanisms

    The therapeutic relationship itself often becomes a space for honest self reflection; a starting place for shifting patterns in real-time. Through self determination, a clients in therapy decide which behaviors they wish to generalize to other settings.

  • Rain perspectives

    “Jamés, is there any chance you can take tomorrow off? Do you want to go mountain bike riding in the rain 🌧️ ☔️ ?? It’s really beautiful, and there’s place in Marin where it’s not muddy and we can have a beautiful ride. China Camp in Marin.”

    This was my friend Sasan🇮🇷 on phone Wednesday morning. Been storms in the bay area and there’s a lot of hype (and some true loss ie floods in Santa Rosa). Sasan’s call showed me that people can see the world totally differently, different perspective different sense of joy and excitement…

    99% of the conversation and news about rain is negative, new weather vocabulary like “bomb cyclone” or “ atmospheric river” has people all anxsty.

    Meanwhile Sasan (and a few others) looooove storms 🌧️ ☔️. “What better way to connect w Nature?”

    Likewise, one of my clients in therapy said, “Oh the rain is such a good time to go fishing 🎣!” A lot of people are taking day off work bc they want to be out in the rain catching fish; freshwater is stirred up by the rain, the fish go nuts.”

  • See. Be. Do.

    Western psychology often focuses on behavior (doing). In contrast, Eastern and Native approaches emphasize seeing, and being, before doing. Many cultures place high value on being (and learning to be) in community w each other vs. individual orientation.

    In therapy, people from diverse backgrounds find that incorporating perspectives of different cultures (anthropological / ecological context) helps to free up different ways to reflect and see self, and w self determination consider how to be with others. This helps to prepare people to make healthy changes in behavior and thought. Photo is image of #GuanYin, “relaxed composure.”

    Guan Yin “relaxed composure”

    See it.

    🌘

    Feel it

    🌓

    Be it